I lost a lot of blood. It feels like I’m drunk.

Nianatara took plenty of time to yell at us yesterday as though this sudden invasion were our fault. I suppose in a way it probably is, but it was precious time she could have spent mobilizing her troops. I can only hope her generals and captains aren’t so caught up in casting blame as their leader.

They’ll be here by morning if they don’t attack in the night. Much of the tent city has been packed and moved, though I don’t know the positions of the troops. I don’t know the position of the enemy, either. I’m helpless, lying with the baggage in position to be evacuated as soon as things go sideways.

I wouldn’t let them remove me with the rest. I want to be close. Gods know what I can do though.

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Perhaps that’s why he shot me. Vengeance has its place, but it’s what Inifra told me so long ago – they fear me now in this jungle. Could it be that killing me was the whole point? I wish I was as developed in my skill as they seem to think I am. I would have gone back and kept myself from getting shot instead of stumbling around in shock.

I need to sleep. Nianatara has promised to send a Sympathetic Healer to get me back on my feet, but she has yet to find one. Rare as they are here, I’m surprised she has one ferreted away. Alchemical Healers are only going to cut the time necessary to heal by half at best, and I don’t have that kind of time. Time…

Without Wudan, I’m even more afraid of using my skill. The lack of control I have over my power is glaring when contrasted to wielding it with Wudan’s help. He and Wauloo were pulled back from the front with Balthandar to watch over them in case Nianatara got any foolish ideas. Timber has gone to the front to test her skills. I worry for her most of all.

Inifra… how could she do this to us? She let Starlark leave in hopes that it would sate the Makonga’s thirst, and in that betrayal created an enemy we would never have thought possible. Of course he would come at the forefront of an attack. Of course he would be the one to warn them of my power and stalk me to my death.

But what happened to him to change him so completely? He was ruined, yes, but to become a Daedric follower? I nearly threw up just writing those words… Starlark… how could he?

I can’t dwell on this any longer. The Daedra are coming in force, and we are alone in the jungle without allies. Damn Nianatara for her foolishness. Damn her bloody eyes.

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